I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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