dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
