She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize