I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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