im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
