Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize