I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
