my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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