I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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