Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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