do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
