Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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