Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
