ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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