I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
