I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize