I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
someone owes me an orgasm
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
