overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
