all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
