you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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