i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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