Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
