So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize