So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
