I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
