Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
