All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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