My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
accomplished twins. life is a go
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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