Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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