I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
