THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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