hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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