I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i will never coherently bang her
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
