HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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