have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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