So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize