I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
