so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
