so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
