god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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