She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
