Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
