Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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