i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
