she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
