I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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