Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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