Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize