***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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