i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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