Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
