so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this beer tastes like vomit already
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
