Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
