What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
