we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When are your genitals available?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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