You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
