He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
me + whiskey = a bad person
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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