some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
