Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
