She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
