Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
