I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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