That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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