please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
