I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
