I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
