I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
