that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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