if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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