yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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